Crehabit’s Weblog

-----Original Message-----
From: Employee S [mailto:S@CompanyA.com]
Sent: Monday, April 14, 2008 4:07 PM
To: Office
Subject: Chicken Gone Missing

Hello everyone,

I'm sure many of you have seen the box of samples that was left in
our break room upstairs. Today, one of the representatives came to
pick up the box and noticed a missing item: the talking/dancing
chicken.

If anyone knows the whereabouts of Mr. Chicken, please kindly return
him. Or if any of you were interested in purchasing him, there is an
order form you can fill out in the break room.

Regards,

Employee S
Company A
XXXX Industry Drive
Workville, CA XXXXX
Tel XXX/XXX-XXXX ext. XX
Fax XXX/XXX-XXX
http://www.CompanyA.com


On 4/14/08 4:18 PM, "Mr.HR" <HR@CompanyA.com> wrote:

Dear All,

FYI The reps are with Company B.  That company is also Mothership
owned.

Regards,

Mr. HR
Company A
XXXX Industry Drive
Workville, CA XXXXX
Tel XXX/XXX-XXXX ext. XX
Fax XXX/XXX-XXX
http://www.CompanyA.com


On 4/14/08 4:22 PM, "Employee S" <S@CompanyA.com> wrote:

Thanks for the clarification, Mr. HR. I became the default
messenger because I happen to sit across from the break room,
but I was a little murky on all the particulars.

And the saga of the missing chicken continues ...


On 4/14/08 6:19 PM, "Mr.HR" <HR@CompanyA.com> wrote:

Thank you Employee S. I appreciate your efforts. Becoming in
charge on this situation due to your proximity to the crime
scene is unfortunate.

Thanks again.

Mr. HR
Company A
XXXX Industry Drive
Workville, CA XXXXX
Tel XXX/XXX-XXXX ext. XX
Fax XXX/XXX-XXX
http://www.CompanyA.com

Humble Applicant

54321 Desperate Way

Suburbia, CA 90X0X

PlsHyrMe@yahoo.com

April 11, 2008

Mr. C

Corporate, Inc.

1 Imperial Ln.

Fortuneville, USA

….

Dear Mr.C:

I would like to apply for the Fool position at Corporate, Inc. that I learned of through monster.com. With nearly 30 years of experience in idealism and self-delusion, I feel that I am a highly qualified candidate.

I attended the prestigious University of Lofty Ideals, where I received a priceless liberal education. I acquired extensive skills in the art of critical thinking … Though were I to think–critically, that is–of my rather critical circumstances, I might conclude that critical thinking isn’t a particularly marketable skill. I might have gone further had I exercised a bit of practical thinking. And by “practical,” I mean that my goals and aspirations could have embodied a more … shall we say … lucrative bent. But no, I am firmly entrenched in my passion for writing, editing, art, and education–the realm of the overeducated and underpaid. I’m not even that educated, with only one degree under my belt. I have friends in there for the long haul, registered for a lifetime of academic servitude. But that’s neither here nor there.

Oh, and have I mentioned my excellent customer service skills? I am involuntarily perky, positive, and pleasant. In the face of disgruntled clients, customers, and callers alike, my smile rings true and my eagerness to assist never wanes. Unfortunately, I am not overly fond of the general public. But guess what? My company has been downsized and to keep my job, I must answer phones. Fielding phone calls has got to be the most thankless job. I can handle face-to-face interaction because you get a little warning with body language and facial expressions. But when that phone rings, you pick up blind. On the other end could be an irate parent demanding to know why their senioritis-plagued student who dropped a required course 2nd semester is having her admissions revoked. Or could it be that eccentric author who’s trying to pitch a “novel” idea for the hundredth time and won’t take no for an answer?

But it’s not just the phone thing. I could lose my job at any time. The evil corporate mothership, not unlike Corporate, Inc., that owns my company can do away with my department and cancel more of my projects on a whim, as has occurred several times before, mind you. And then where will I be? Ah, yes. That leaves me surfing monster.com and careerbuilder.com, desperate to find another job, hoping that this time, yes, this time, it will be the dream job that combines all my skills and interests and offers job security.

Once again, I would like to emphasize my unique qualities that would make me a perfect fit for this job. At this critical point in my career, I could decide to try a new profession, one that has job openings everywhere and provides a much higher salary. But no, I am fiercely determined to cling to my hopeless idealism and idiotic belief that I might once again find a job that I love, a job that I can keep. So, I ask you this, who else would make a better Fool?

Attached is my resume and I look forward to speaking with you regarding my qualifications for this position.

Sincerely,

Humble Applicant No. 41,108